Your handprint is on every moment of my past. I just want to burn my memories at the stake, another sacrifice at the alter of us. Don’t you wish you could just go back?
I am directing The Breakfast Club here in Louisville. July 31-August 3. If anyone is interested in auditioning send me a message and I’ll give you some details.
Loneliness isn’t a constant. Sometimes you’re with everyone you love and you realize you aren’t sure where to sit. Everyone seems to have someone and you just feel imposing. Loneliness isn’t a constant. Sometimes you’re happy just to sit in your sweats and watch Netflix and eat peanut butter but sometimes you know that it would be better if someone else could just be there to sit in their sweats and steal your peanut butter. Loneliness isn’t a constant. Sometimes you pick up the phone and you make a bad choice because you know he’ll be responsive on the other end and you just want someone to talk to. You know better. Loneliness isn’t a constant. But together isnt really for you is it? It has never worked out and really you are much better alone.
In a lot of ways I miss you. I miss you’re presence. The way you never asked for anything in public You demanded attention, respect, me. But in private you got to be different. I made you different. And when you kissed me your teeth grazed me lower lip lingering, not wanting to let go. And I bowed to you. You were overwhelmingly brilliant and handsome and I wanted to be the girl who got to be with you. I want to want you. But you made me different too. And I used to think that was a bad thing. So I guess I’m afraid that there is some future version of me who is too in love with everything you do and she thinks I am so stupid. And I’m afraid of her. And you make me different
You can’t change the world, the world comes to terms with things whenever it wants. It squashes out beautiful things. Things that are ahead of their time. They are told they are unimportant, less than, and untalented. Or, even worse, they are objectified, romanticized, set up for failure. The former remove themselves, the latter the world removes. And then when the appropriate amount of time has passed, and the world has changed; the sheep memorialize and mourn the early endings of those who foolishly believed they could change the world.
I don’t want to remember running the back of my hand over the scars on your arm. I don’t want to remember the feel of your lips as they brushed against my cheek and I don’t want to remember the grip of your fingers wrapping around mine. I don’t want to remember the way it felt when you pressed your cheek against mine. The way the tips of your fingers felt brushing tears as they slipped from my eyelids against your will. Because then I will have to remember that all those things that used to comfort me are poisonous now. Your lips, your fingers, your scars, your touch burn me a little now. Because of how life ruined us. Both of us, we’re broken.
Seriously, i have gone to bed the past two nights with that intense moment of eye contact and honesty in my head.
I love theatre. I love acting. I’m falling in love with my scene partner.
I can love you
until you love me
I just need to fall asleep while you’re holding me, holding me together. Just for one night, because I can’t hold myself together anymore. So, I’m glad you’re here, okay?
Anonymous said: Who are you in love with
His name is Antony and he is the most beautiful man that ere I saw. But he was married to this wretched wench, Octavia. He loves me though, we were in love at first sight, but that hasn’t stopped Octavia’s brother and Rome from waging war against my Greece. It is said he has gotten false news of my death, and fallen on his sword. I must away to find my snake….
I love curling up in a bed with you while lightning strokes and thunder rolls outside your window. But the blankets are soft and heavy and warm and they are our shared paradise. It’s so simple. It’s just blissfully existing.
B: Thank you
A: Where am I?
B: It doesnt matter.
A: Excuse me, well okay
B: Later, okay?
I think about this a lot. Do you?
What’s the greatest chapter in your book, are there pages where it hurts to look? What’s the one regret you can’t work through? You got it baby, mine would be you.